Make Your Work/Life Balance a Conscious Choice

Some family events this past weekend caused me to reflect again on work/life choices -- this time on the choices of three generations in my family.

Like most in their generation, my parents had a traditional marriage, in which the husband worked for pay and the wife worked at home. My father was a workaholic, leaving for the office before dawn each day. He was usually home for dinner, but worked a lot on evenings and weekends, and traveled frequently for his job. My mother took care of house and kids, by herself when she had to.

My husband’s parents had a situation like my parents, except they lived in a smaller town and my father-in-law could come home for lunch each day. But the realms of husband’s and wife’s responsibilities were as separate as in my family.

Like many in our generation, my husband and I struggled to find a path where we both worked and both cared for the household.  We had professional jobs in the same field, and each stayed with our firms for an entire career.

We divided childcare and home responsibilities in ways that made sense to us. We argued over who worked more, or didn’t do their share of chores. We scrambled to find time for everything, and often our time together was the first thing to go. But somehow managed to stay married till our children were grown and life returned to some semblance of sanity.

Our young adult children are now launched in their careers. I see each of them working long hours.  They have jobs they like, but they aren’t wedded to them. Each talks about moving on in a few years; whether they will or not, remains to be seen. And neither as yet has a spouse or children, nor prospects of changing marital status soon.

Three generations, three models, three sets of choices. The models don’t separate by generations – people in each generation have chosen each model. There is no right way to manage work and life.  After more than thirty years of trying to balance work and life, I don’t even think of it as work and life anymore; it’s simply life.

What I encourage my children to do – and what I encouraged younger employees that I mentored to do – is to make their choices consciously, and to re-think those choices regularly.

And so I encourage you, too, to make conscious choices.  Whatever you choose, make it a life that suits your values and leaves room for the discretionary things in life that are important to you.

A few months ago, Dr. Donald E. Wetmore published a post on AMA Net that listed seven things NOT to ignore in your work life balance: 

• your health

• your family time

• your financial health

• your intellectual development

• your social contacts

• your career path

• your spirituality

That’s a pretty good list, and fits well with the areas mentioned in the book Standing at the Crossroads: Next Steps for High-Achieving Women, by Marian N. Ruderman and Patricia J. Ohlott, which I have found helpful for self-assessment.

Where in your life do you need more balance?

Where Do You Stand on the Cultural Divide?

I recently read an article in The Wall Street Journal, January 21, 2012, entitled “The New American Divide,” which discussed the increasing differences between the working class and the upper class in America. In 1960, these two groups participated in cultural institutions such as marriage, full-time employment (at least for males), and religion at much more similar rates than they did in 2010.

“For most of our nation’s history, whatever the inequality in wealth between the richest and poorest citizens, we maintained a cultural equality known nowhere else in the world—for whites, anyway,” says the author, Charles Murray.

But, Murray argues, there is now a great cultural divide between classes in American society, which means that we no longer have cultural equality. The article is worth reading simply for its explanation of the cultural differences now permeating our society.

But the article also raises issues for us to think about concerning the solutions to the increasing cultural differences. Murray believes that it is primarily up to the upper income class to resolve the cultural divide. He says the upper class should take action to maintain the cultural equality that has made America a land of opportunity.

First, Murray says that “married, educated people who work hard and conscienctiously raise their kids shouldn’t hesitate to voice their disapproval of those who defy these norms.” The upper class must preach what it practices. Which is hard to do in our "anything goes" society.

But beyond practicing what they preach, Murray suggests that the upper class should rethink their priorities to increase the cultural connections between classes.

Ask yourself whether you are willing to change the following in order to increase your exposure to people of other classes:

• The neighborhood where you live
• The school you choose for your children
• What you tell your children about the value and virtues of physical labor and military service
• Whether you are an active member of a religious congregation
• Whether you are involved in your community beyond attendance at charity events.

Where do you stand on the new cultural divide? Should we work to close the cultural class gaps? If so, what will you do?